A Lesson Learned: by Robin Thomas
I’m a Fixer!
Everyone has heard the saying “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, “ but what if it is “broke”?
My natural default is to jump in to problem solving mode.
At face value one would think that is a good thing. But is it? Fixers are usually really good about jumping head first into the fire, but what happens when you jump into a fire? You get burned.
I like this definition of a fixer mentality:
A fixer thinks or feels that they can prevent other people from experiencing pain or discomfort. They feel they can change things or people for the better. Often, a fixer is a kind, compassionate soul who wants to help. 1
The danger of this is taking over and preventing people from learning to fix their own problems. This is a double edged blade. Fixers can talk themselves into feeling that they are operating in a godly, selfless manner, but the reality is that they erode the self confidence of the person they are trying to fix.
In an article called The Danger of Being a Fixer the author says,
“…being a fixer offered me a sense of control that I didn’t have otherwise. It was an illusion, but it brought me a sense of purpose.” 2
A light went on in my head when I read this. The sense of control gives me purpose. And as a stay at home Mom whose kids are starting to “age out” that purpose is a real balm to my soul.
This morning I heard the Lord say to me, “You don’t have to fix things.” As simple as that statement is, to a fixer it brings up the feeling of nowhere to go. If I can’t fix someone else then I will be forced to work on myself. Yikes. To me, it gives me permission to say, “No.” or instead of taking the ball and running with it, being content to be a supportive fan in the stands, or only answering questions when asked.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
~Proverbs 19:21
So maybe the Lord is yanking me away from “fixing” and leading me toward another purpose.
I think it is much easier to stay in our broken, yet familiar, state than it is to do the hard work to reach beyond your comfort zone and trust God to lead you to the next step. But I do know this, I can’t get to the next step if I am unwilling to take my foot off the last one.
Appreciate where you are in your journey, even if it's not where you want to be. Every season serves it's purpose. (Author unknown)
My brother told me the other day, “Just talk to me like a person instead of giving me a list of things to do.” RIGHT. BETWEEN. The EYES.
I realized that there is some work I need to do on me, not him.
What I feel, is that the Holy Spirit is giving me a moments reflection on my actions before I jump into the fire. Doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like a true “grace” period. Pun intended.
Now, I am not a Justin Bieber fan, but I came across one of his songs called, Purpose. I must say I was pleasantly surprised. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8yhsbMULsQ
,,,I put my heart into your hands Here's my soul to keep I let you in with all that I can You're not hard to reach And you've blessed me with the best gift That I've ever known You give me purpose Yeah, you've given me purpose…
I just reimagine those lyrics to attribute them to Jesus and we have a winner!
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