A Lesson Learned: by Robin Thomas
I had some lyrics running through my head today from a country song by Jordan Davis called Almost Maybes.
“Here’s to the Hey I think we need to talk
And the ‘it ain’t me it’s yous.’
I started to think about how often my mindset goes to “It ain’t me it’s you.” But is it?
The very nature of a conflict is two opposing views. I think I’m right, you think you are right. But how often do I really stop, think and internalize what the other person is saying? If I’m being really honest I would say, “Almost never.”
The nice way to describe it is sure of herself the more accurate way is stubborn.
In James 1:19-20 it says, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”
Okay, the words coming to mind now are CON. VIC. TION. I’m zero for three.
Many, many conflicts could be solved if we just practiced this:
* Quick to listen
* Slow to speak
* Slow to anger
But particularly in our current election climate and daily changing and uncertain world, we see little of this put into practice.
When someone speaks do you really listen or think “it ain’t me it’s you”?
When you listen do you really hear?
Most people tend to fall squarely in the category of talker or listener. In fact, I recently heard it described as “a babbling brook, or the Dead Sea” (in reference to love languages). Babbling brooks are a running commentary on the world whereas the Dead sea takes it all in but has no outlet. I thought this was humorous because it suggested that “babbling brooks” often seek out “Dead Seas” because they need someone to listen while they talk, but Dead Seas are okay with that because they need someone to talk so they don’t have to. 1
My listening, speaking and anger skills are further tested with our current state of Distance Learning with two teenagers. That alone would try the patience of a saint. I love my family, but I do not need them home to love them. I have been very slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to anger. James 1:19 FAIL.
I hear, therefore I react.
Psychologists would tell you to count to ten before you react. I rarely make it to one.
But I am trying because I know that my delayed reaction causes the brain to engage and reason to return. I think this is what James meant when he said be slow to anger.
And holding on to anger is detrimental to YOU.
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” –Buddha
So maybe it is ME and not YOU who needs the work.
Inflexibility creates a short fuse. Next time you find yourself in a heated debate or a potentially explosive situation, before you react be quick to LISTEN.
Reference from YouVersion app, The 5 love languages, Day 4.
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