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Writer's pictureAslan's Girl:Robin Thomas

Where the sidewalk Ends

A Lesson Learned: by Robin Thomas


Being cooped up with teenagers is really fun! Cough, cough.

Where does the sidewalk of parental authority end and the highway of equals begin?

Why is it that no matter what you say to your teenager it is always wrong?

What do I hear when they say the right words but in the wrong tone?


Tone matters.


How you say things matters. In fact, it’s not so much about the actual words you use but the way in which you use them.


Me: Have you read one of my blog posts?

Daughter: I will Mom, (eye roll and high elevated voice)

Me: I just wanted to know what you think (cringing inside because I just wanted to share it with her)

Daughter: Slams down book, intake of breath and says, “Okay Mom, I’ll read it right now” with the unspoken words, ‘happy now?’

Me: Never mind (inside feeling deflated because I really wanted her opinion)

****This conversation could easily have been reversed with me using the wrong tone.


Tone matters.


The right words in the wrong tone can do just as much damage as the wrong words.

Their tongues sting like a snake; the venom of a viper drips from their lips. Psalm 140:3

I used to have a parrot, his name was Willie. Willie could say “I love you” in several different tones.

One was the regular “I love you” statement.

One was a slow, sexy “I luv you”

And another was a drawn out,

“I loooooooooooooooove you”


The same words sounded very different depending on how he said them.

Tone matters.



James 3:1-12 says:

v2: If we control our tongues we control our whole body

v3: a tiny bit in the horse’s mouth controls the whole horse

v4: or the tiny rudder of a ship determines the course

v5: and a small tongue can make grand speeches.

v6: the tongue is a flame, and a tiny spark can set a forest on fire (v5)

v9: sometimes (the tongue) praises the Lord, and sometimes it curses…

11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

So, my daughter read my blog

Daughter: “It’s good mom!”

Me: Which one did you read?

Daughter: All of them, my favorite was Jane Austen.

And just like that my heart is healed.

I Corinthians 13:4-5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

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